Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
