Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
