1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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