How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
