I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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