just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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