how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
