my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
