i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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