The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
