good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
