I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
