i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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