does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
