he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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