Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
