Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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