You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
