It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
