I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
