I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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