i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
