the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
