My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
