I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He passed out mid-signature
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
