my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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