i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Houston, we have a squirter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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