I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
