I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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