Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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