Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
