a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
