im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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