Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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