Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
