i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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