My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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