is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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