DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
