I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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