I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I could fuck to npr.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
