JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
