I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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