My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
