Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
