I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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