i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
