Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
