I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sober January is a disaster.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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