No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
