she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
last night I used snow as a chaser
And then he peed in my hair
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