fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
