I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
