I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
