He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
