How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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