The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
