Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
In America we eat man semen.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
