he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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