I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
