i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
