You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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