This is not my ceiling
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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