i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
