do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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