just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
