NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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