I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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