ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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