I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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