i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
