please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
