Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
