You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
