I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
