I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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