I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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